7 Records That Totally Have the Right to Exist.

I am not sure if anyone has noticed this or not, but I totally dig lists. For some reason, making lists seems to somehow justify why certain records are better than others. Sitting in front of a computer and meticulously arranging songs, albums or artist into some kind of specific order helps me to conceptualize what makes a certain record (or song, or artist, or etc etc) incredible (or shitty).

Having said that, I think too much of an emphasis is placed on the total extremes of the “goodness” level. People are often way too concerned with either a) the great records or b) the most god-awful of the god-awful. Nobody ever focuses on the records that are simply just pretty OK.

Below is a list of 7 records that totally have the right to exist. These are not records that are necessarily riveting, but they aren't exactly garbage either. These are the records that you hold on to while scourging for the real find in the used record bins; If you can't find anything else, these records aren't a total waste of money. . They aren't bad, but, they aren't that great either. They simply exist, and totally have a right to do so.

7 Records That Totally Have the Right To Exist.
7. Jets to Brazil - Orange Rhyming Dictionary
It is not fair to compare Jets to Brazil to Jawbreaker. To compare Jawbreaker and Jets to Brazil is like trying to compare and Apple to an Onion. They are vaguely similar in that they share a couple similar features (shape, style, Blake Schwarzenbach), but one is quite obviously a fruit and the other is, well, an onion. Anyway, since I don't think this metaphor is working anymore, I'll just say that Blake should of stuck to making great Jawbreaker records as opposed to making decent Jets to Brazil records.

6. Say Anything - …is a Real Boy
A lot has been said about Max Bemis and Say Anything. When …is a Real Boy came out, it made quite a few “Best of” lists, as well as 'worst of the worst” lists. Both of these polarized statements are wrong, however, as Say Anything is merely just okay. Nothing on this record screams of originality. Just a bunch of pretty decent pop-rock tunes.

5. Cursive - Happy Hollow
Not better than the Good Life's Album of the Year, but certainly not the worst Cursive record ever, either. We can't expect Tim Kasher to stay depressed for all of his life. Consequently, we cannot expect him to write incredible records forever, either.

4. Alkaline Trio - Crimson
Not worth the 20 something dollars Vagrant wants for the “Limited Edition” red vinyl, but, you know, picking up a new copy of it on CDs isn't that bad of an investment. Some of the songs - “Mercy Me,” for one - are actually pretty decent. Only problem is that said songs were awesome the first time around, a couple records ago.

3. The Falcon - Unicornography
A lot of what makes some of the best punk bands so great is that they are nothing more than a couple of decent musicians whom get together and bring in different elements of songwriting that totally click. This is a perfect example of what happens when decent musicians start a side-project that doesn't really click: a moderately decent album.

2. The Draft - In a Million Pieces
Better than the worse Hot Water Record (The New What's Next), but, obviously not better than the best Hot Water Record (pretty much everything else).

1. The entire Get Up Kids catalog after Something to Write Home About
Something to Write Home About and everything before it are all pretty much flawless records. Everything after it kind of falls within the “meh” and “eh” category. Could be worse, but could have been a lot better as well. This, obviously excludes their live album.

Five Albums That Should Have Never Been Made.

In light of Abel Baker Fox – a band that is essentially Small Brown Bike sans a guitar player and plus the dude from the Casket Lottery – releasing their debut record on Second Nature Records here in a month or two, I have come up with a list of 5 records that have come out in the past 5 years that should have never been made. Because, lets be honest, with the upcoming Small Brown Bike reunions, no one wants an Abel Baker Fox record. We want another Dead Reckoning.

This is completely different from 5 Records That I Hated, because that would just be a terribly petty list. And it is not that I am above being petty (anyone who knows me well knows quite the contrary), but bad albums and meaningless albums are completely different. These are albums that were simply a waste of time in every regard. These are not to be confused with records that are very, very bad, yet, that we somehow needed. Green Day needed to American Idiot to remind us how much we could hate a band that was once pretty awesome.

Anyway.

Five Recent Albums That Should Have Never Been Made
(In Semi-Particular Order).
5. Against Me – New Wave
Tracks 1-3 and 6 would have made a killer EP or something, but the record as a whole, aside from the context in which it was released, is largely forgettable. Except for the aforementioned track 3. Because “Thrash Unreal” just rules, no matter which way you cut it.

4. Tie Between Angels and Airwaves We Don’t Need to Whisper and Plus 44’s When Your Heart Stops Beating.
Dude Ranch will always be one of my all-time favorite records, but as long as Mark and Tom keep creating these records, I start to bury this fact about myself further and further. I don't think this requires any further explanation.

3. If Reel Big Fish are still making records, then their entire catalog since Why Do They Rock So Hard?!?
This statement also applies to Less Than Jake and anything they have done after Hello Rockview, if there is actually anything. I honestly have no idea. I think the chances are better than not, though.

2. That New Atari’s Record.
Pop-punkers have a tendency to insist on re-inventing themselves as “mature” musicians (see Item Number 4). While trying to write their “mature” pop-rock records, most of these guys try to forget that they once wrote a song that contained the line “I’d go to the pound and let all the cats run free, as long as you’ll be with me” AND “I’d rob a Kwick-E-Mart For You.” These facts, however, cannot be forgotten. It will haunt these musicians for the rest of their lives.

1. Explosions in the Sky – All of a Sudden I Miss Everybody
The problem with Explosions in the Sky is that they are pretty much just a forgettable band. That isn’t to say that no one will remember the band or their contribution to Independent music, but moreso that no one will ever remember their songs. This is probably related to the fact that they have no words, and that their music does not suggest hyper-drug use, as displayed by other pseudo-indie instrumental bands (read: Don Caballero). Really, if you want to get the total Explosions in the Sky experience, just listen to track 1 off their Second LP The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place. It pretty much embodies the totality of Explosions in the Sky in like, 5 minutes.

Honorable Mentions: The Entire Brand New catalog. But mostly just because I am petty.