For some reason, I feel like I cannot escape loneliness. Last night, I was “writing” a song for a pop punk band that will never see the light of day (this is the classic tree falling in the woods paradox – does writing melodies and verses and bridges and choruses that no one will ever hear qualify as “writing”? Isn’t this essentially “practice”? Do the songs exist if no one will here them? And furthermore, if no one will ever hear them, then what was the point of writing them?) and I wrote the line “I’m going to sleep until I am over this or until all of it makes any sense” on a pad of paper as I walked out to my garage to plug my Rickenbacker back into my volume pedal that is connected to my Mesa Boogie Triple Rectifier that powers the 4 Celestion Vintage 30’s housed in my Avatar cabinet and churn through an intro, verse, chorus and interlude that will never be accompanied by a bass guitar or drumset or the cutsey female vocals that I hear in my head singing the line “I am going to sleep until I am over this or until all of it makes any sense.”
I will probably never finish the song because of the futility in investing into something that means nothing.
Obviously, this loneliness transgresses sleeping alone and the extended time lapse between the last time I kissed a girl and the next time I get the chance to.
After I finish this, I will drive 25 minutes and be in the company of people whom would do anything for me. When I get home, I will listen to “In a World of Ghosts” by Lemuria and sit around feeling sorry for myself until the shot of Nyquil does its job.
When I started writing this I was listening to “The Impression That I Get” by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. I have put this song on every Mix CD that I have ever made for a girl I have had a crush on, in hoping that we can share this guilty pleasure together.
To this day, I still have no one to share the song with. Which is sort of like a metaphor for every relationship I have ever been in. I’ve done nothing and I am all out of ideas as to how to fix all of this.
Sadly, this is content.
I am not going to write another word until I have something to say about something other than my pitiful self.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
40 Items When Not Able (Willing?) to Sleep.
1. I constantly study The Office on levels that I am positive the writers did not intend.
2. This is how I know that most literary criticism is in fact bullshit.
3. In reality, I sort of really hate my bed and bedroom.
4. Yawns mean nothing if heavy eyes don’t follow them.
5. Nyquil does not cause yawns, yet cause heavy eyes.
6. This is how I know that yawns are in fact bullshit.
7. (or that Nyquil induced sleep is not genuine sleep).
7. There is nothing nearly as lonely as checking your e-mail in the morning with nothing new worth reading, only to check it 12 hours later to identical results.
8. The only thing worse is sporadically checking your cellphone over the course of your waking day to see no new text messages or missed calls or voicemails.
9. I probably wouldn’t respond, anyway.
10. I turned the answering machine on my home phone back on so that the phone wouldn’t ring 15 or twenty times while I am ignoring it.
11. It becomes increasingly hard to ignore 15+ phone rings.
12. I could take or leave the ink on my left arm.
13. Usually I am asleep by now.
14. Today I drank a lot more caffeine than usual.
15. This is how I know that caffeine is in fact not bullshit.
16. Right now, I am of average weight for my body type.
17. This week I will do 300 crunches, 75 arm presses, 75 arm pulls, and do a minimum of 60 minutes of cardio everyday.
18. Weight is the only area in life where below average may be beneficial.
19. I don’t delete anything.
20. I delete everything.
21. Both 19 and 20 are completely true, and totally false at the same time, respectively.
22. I am still bored with everything I listen to.
23. I have no ambition to find any new music.
24. Because of 22 and 23, I listen to Neal Boortz on my drive to campus.
25. I honestly hate Neal Boortz.
26. Brett Favre is one touchdown pass away from breaking Dan Marino’s all time touchdown record.
27. Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and Bret Favre will, eventually, break every record Marino ever set, all with at least a one Superbowl Ring under each individual’s belt, eventually rendering Dan Marino’s career completely moot.
28. This is how I know that statistics are in fact bullshit.
29. I got my hair cut this week and no one noticed.
30. These are the kinds of haircuts I want from now on.
31. I bought two new shirts that everyone commented on.
32. I am obviously very reluctant to buy more new shirts.
33. In the absence of any evidence to prove otherwise, I constantly, and honestly, believe that the career of Dan Marino will be an allegory for my life when I finally check out of this planet.
34. I should spend less time thinking about music and sports and TV shows and more time writing.
35. If I close this laptop right now and instantly fall asleep, I will awake with a cowlick on the back right side of my head in six and a half hours.
36. It is 1:57 on a Monday morning and my mom will be waking up in an hour and thirty-three minutes.
37. I only intended to write 35 Items.
38. I only intended to “take things slowly.”
39. Both 37 and 38 are completely true but did not happen.
40. This is how I know that the phrase “best intentions” is in fact bullshit.
2. This is how I know that most literary criticism is in fact bullshit.
3. In reality, I sort of really hate my bed and bedroom.
4. Yawns mean nothing if heavy eyes don’t follow them.
5. Nyquil does not cause yawns, yet cause heavy eyes.
6. This is how I know that yawns are in fact bullshit.
7. (or that Nyquil induced sleep is not genuine sleep).
7. There is nothing nearly as lonely as checking your e-mail in the morning with nothing new worth reading, only to check it 12 hours later to identical results.
8. The only thing worse is sporadically checking your cellphone over the course of your waking day to see no new text messages or missed calls or voicemails.
9. I probably wouldn’t respond, anyway.
10. I turned the answering machine on my home phone back on so that the phone wouldn’t ring 15 or twenty times while I am ignoring it.
11. It becomes increasingly hard to ignore 15+ phone rings.
12. I could take or leave the ink on my left arm.
13. Usually I am asleep by now.
14. Today I drank a lot more caffeine than usual.
15. This is how I know that caffeine is in fact not bullshit.
16. Right now, I am of average weight for my body type.
17. This week I will do 300 crunches, 75 arm presses, 75 arm pulls, and do a minimum of 60 minutes of cardio everyday.
18. Weight is the only area in life where below average may be beneficial.
19. I don’t delete anything.
20. I delete everything.
21. Both 19 and 20 are completely true, and totally false at the same time, respectively.
22. I am still bored with everything I listen to.
23. I have no ambition to find any new music.
24. Because of 22 and 23, I listen to Neal Boortz on my drive to campus.
25. I honestly hate Neal Boortz.
26. Brett Favre is one touchdown pass away from breaking Dan Marino’s all time touchdown record.
27. Tom Brady, Peyton Manning and Bret Favre will, eventually, break every record Marino ever set, all with at least a one Superbowl Ring under each individual’s belt, eventually rendering Dan Marino’s career completely moot.
28. This is how I know that statistics are in fact bullshit.
29. I got my hair cut this week and no one noticed.
30. These are the kinds of haircuts I want from now on.
31. I bought two new shirts that everyone commented on.
32. I am obviously very reluctant to buy more new shirts.
33. In the absence of any evidence to prove otherwise, I constantly, and honestly, believe that the career of Dan Marino will be an allegory for my life when I finally check out of this planet.
34. I should spend less time thinking about music and sports and TV shows and more time writing.
35. If I close this laptop right now and instantly fall asleep, I will awake with a cowlick on the back right side of my head in six and a half hours.
36. It is 1:57 on a Monday morning and my mom will be waking up in an hour and thirty-three minutes.
37. I only intended to write 35 Items.
38. I only intended to “take things slowly.”
39. Both 37 and 38 are completely true but did not happen.
40. This is how I know that the phrase “best intentions” is in fact bullshit.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Sundays
It seems as though that Grad School is becoming a much more plausible reality. Normally, this would excite people; The chance at furthering a career and education with a masters degree is, I suppose, the goal of many my age. I just want to play punk rock with my band. Grad school is where my adventurous, youthful and ambitious soul goes to die. Grad School at the University of Arizona means working for my dads company while I get a Masters in Creative Writing. Grad school means "the dream" of sustaining myself off the one thing that I feel I have ever been any good at is over. Grad school means my one goal in life is never achieved.
Being an Atlanta sports fan is becoming increasingly easy; all of our teams stink. Here's to the Green Bay Packers and Bret Favre.
Die Benny just finished up a new song I wrote that is less than 60 seconds long. I think the lyrical subject matter is going to be about wanting to take a machine gun to all the happy couples you see while out at parties or out in public.
It's bad news isn't it? I should never get my hopes up. Nothing ever works out for us. - The Simpsons.
I just heard this quote while writing this post. Seems very fitting.
Being an Atlanta sports fan is becoming increasingly easy; all of our teams stink. Here's to the Green Bay Packers and Bret Favre.
Die Benny just finished up a new song I wrote that is less than 60 seconds long. I think the lyrical subject matter is going to be about wanting to take a machine gun to all the happy couples you see while out at parties or out in public.
It's bad news isn't it? I should never get my hopes up. Nothing ever works out for us. - The Simpsons.
I just heard this quote while writing this post. Seems very fitting.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Don't Do That
I often think that my life would be a lot more simple if I would just stop thinking so goddamn much. Maybe if I just started listening to music that simply sounded good, as opposed to getting absorbed into music that says something to me or bands and songs that have some idealistic quality that makes it more than just sounds that sound good when going through my ears. I think that I would probably be a much happier sports fan if I would just root for teams with players I respect, as opposed to constantly rooting for the underdogs because of the metaphoric nature of those teams. I think life would without a doubt be a lot more simple if I would just stop thinking about things so much and start treating movies, sports, music and TV shows as simple entertainment.
That being said though, I wonder if my life would be any more or less meaningful.
Generally speaking, popular culture, when taken simply at face value, is pretty much worthless. The only time there is any value in the TV Shows and Movies and Albums and Sports Events and etc that consume the American Popular Culture is when we examine these within the context of the “big picture.” Hank Aaron setting the new Home Run record back in 1974 was obviously about something more than a guy hitting baseballs out of the ballpark; Hank Aaron’s homerun chase embodies triumph over adversary, especially under racial tensions. Cary Grant’s mistaken identity in North By Northwest is more than just a thriller spy movie. Similarly, NBC’s hit show The Office is something more than a comedic mocumentry about the office work environment. The Office isn’t really worth examining unless we look beyond its narrative and premise and examine what the characters and their interactions really mean, and, more specifically, Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly.
The Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly relationship, obviously, is more than just a cute love-story shown on Thursday nights; Their relationship a visualization of the old cliché that “nice guys finish last.” Every guy whom has ever fallen into the “just a friend” category will instantly fall in love with the show, regardless of their affinity for Steve Carell’s comedic style. However, those who get roped into the show because of this relationship will almost always find themselves instantly rooting against the Pam/Jim union. Every “just friend” kind of guy out there does not want to see Jim finally get the girl, because Jim finally getting the girl of his dreams is not reality. In reality, Pam dates Jim for a couple weeks before Roy re-enters the picture, causing Pam to leave Jim to try and work things out with Roy. This is what really happens, and people invested into these characters for this reason do not want to see Jim finally get what he wants, and, sort of pretty much deserves. Because, like as I just said, that never fucking happens.
Season 4 of the Office is just around the corner, and if Pam and Jim hit things off and start a successful and loving relationship, then I am done with this fucking show.
That being said though, I wonder if my life would be any more or less meaningful.
Generally speaking, popular culture, when taken simply at face value, is pretty much worthless. The only time there is any value in the TV Shows and Movies and Albums and Sports Events and etc that consume the American Popular Culture is when we examine these within the context of the “big picture.” Hank Aaron setting the new Home Run record back in 1974 was obviously about something more than a guy hitting baseballs out of the ballpark; Hank Aaron’s homerun chase embodies triumph over adversary, especially under racial tensions. Cary Grant’s mistaken identity in North By Northwest is more than just a thriller spy movie. Similarly, NBC’s hit show The Office is something more than a comedic mocumentry about the office work environment. The Office isn’t really worth examining unless we look beyond its narrative and premise and examine what the characters and their interactions really mean, and, more specifically, Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly.
The Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly relationship, obviously, is more than just a cute love-story shown on Thursday nights; Their relationship a visualization of the old cliché that “nice guys finish last.” Every guy whom has ever fallen into the “just a friend” category will instantly fall in love with the show, regardless of their affinity for Steve Carell’s comedic style. However, those who get roped into the show because of this relationship will almost always find themselves instantly rooting against the Pam/Jim union. Every “just friend” kind of guy out there does not want to see Jim finally get the girl, because Jim finally getting the girl of his dreams is not reality. In reality, Pam dates Jim for a couple weeks before Roy re-enters the picture, causing Pam to leave Jim to try and work things out with Roy. This is what really happens, and people invested into these characters for this reason do not want to see Jim finally get what he wants, and, sort of pretty much deserves. Because, like as I just said, that never fucking happens.
Season 4 of the Office is just around the corner, and if Pam and Jim hit things off and start a successful and loving relationship, then I am done with this fucking show.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Fat Ass Disease
The below “blog” may be perceived as borderline offensive. While I understand that this is sort of a touchy subject, at the same time, this is how I see things. If you have a problem with it, argue with me. And if I offend you, then I apologize (sort of…)
I suppose that I am just a very, very vain and superficial person.
I am OK with this.
This all started because of a comment I made about the last girl I was involved with. When I was incredibly fucked up about our “split,” I said very candidly that I am worried that I will never meet another girl half as beautiful as she is. This is completely true. I honestly have a hard time believing that the next girl I get involved with will be able to top the sheer gorgeousness of the previous. I honestly hope that someday I will meet a girl that makes my jaw drop further than she did, but, right now, I really feel like I am just going have to settle for a runner-up. She set the bar so high that it seems unfair to expect any other girl to match her.
Of course, I had people jump all over me, stating that looks are not that important.
This is obviously a fucking lie.
Sure there is more to human compatibility that the outward appearance of the opposite sex. But, at the same time, no one ever approaches a person they find visually unappealing with hopes of understanding whom the other person really is at their core. I would argue that attractiveness is, at the very least, the single most important aspect in choosing someone of the opposite sex. If it isn’t for the initial attraction, then there is no reason to purse the other. I do not know many people that are really interested in getting to know the personality of people they find visually unappealing. I honestly do not believe that the sentence, “I saw her across the room, and she was just, really, really unattractive, so, I knew I just had to get to know her” appears in many stories of how couples came to be.
I have no pity for fat people. I was once fat. This morning when I stood on the scales, I clocked in at right around 175 pounds. Eighteen months ago, the same scale would have probably put me in at a tad over 220 pounds. Although I lost the weight in probably the unhealthiest fashion ever (depression -> stress -> loss of appetite -> starvation -> borderline eating disorder), I alone stand as proof that it is possible to shed pounds. My mother stands as an even healthier testament to weight loss; When she was finally fed up with her appearance and weight, she started waking up at 3:30 every morning and began walking 15 miles every day. She ate right and utilized basic principles of self-control. In the most basic terms: she didn’t fucking gorge herself at every meal and got a healthy dose of exercise. This is all it takes people. No one is born overweight. No one forces double cheeseburgers and gallons of beer down an unsuspecting skinny kid's throat. The ability to lose weight and maintain a healthy body is not a highly specific task; anyone can fucking do it. Fat people will never grace the covers of fashion magazines as the new “hot.” If you are overweight and are genuinely upset with how you fit into this “thin” world and being perceived as a “fat person,” then, run yourself around the block a couple times. Or starve yourself. It’s not impossible.
I am truly sorry to say this, but, I don’t think I have ever found a very obviously overweight girl to be drop-dead-gorgeous, just like how I would never expect any girl to find me attractive when I topped the deuce-twenty mark. I had an “ex” who constantly ridiculed me for my constant worry of gaining weight. She would tell me that it didn’t matter if I was a little fat, because I was (am?) a great guy and had a beautiful personality. This is obviously a very nice thing to hear, but, it fell on deaf ears then, and it falls on deaf ears now. No girl is ever going to see me with my stomach hanging over my belt and consider the idea of being with me. Unless, of course, they are into fat guys.
And if that is the case, then I guess there really is someone out there for everyone.
I suppose that I am just a very, very vain and superficial person.
I am OK with this.
This all started because of a comment I made about the last girl I was involved with. When I was incredibly fucked up about our “split,” I said very candidly that I am worried that I will never meet another girl half as beautiful as she is. This is completely true. I honestly have a hard time believing that the next girl I get involved with will be able to top the sheer gorgeousness of the previous. I honestly hope that someday I will meet a girl that makes my jaw drop further than she did, but, right now, I really feel like I am just going have to settle for a runner-up. She set the bar so high that it seems unfair to expect any other girl to match her.
Of course, I had people jump all over me, stating that looks are not that important.
This is obviously a fucking lie.
Sure there is more to human compatibility that the outward appearance of the opposite sex. But, at the same time, no one ever approaches a person they find visually unappealing with hopes of understanding whom the other person really is at their core. I would argue that attractiveness is, at the very least, the single most important aspect in choosing someone of the opposite sex. If it isn’t for the initial attraction, then there is no reason to purse the other. I do not know many people that are really interested in getting to know the personality of people they find visually unappealing. I honestly do not believe that the sentence, “I saw her across the room, and she was just, really, really unattractive, so, I knew I just had to get to know her” appears in many stories of how couples came to be.
I have no pity for fat people. I was once fat. This morning when I stood on the scales, I clocked in at right around 175 pounds. Eighteen months ago, the same scale would have probably put me in at a tad over 220 pounds. Although I lost the weight in probably the unhealthiest fashion ever (depression -> stress -> loss of appetite -> starvation -> borderline eating disorder), I alone stand as proof that it is possible to shed pounds. My mother stands as an even healthier testament to weight loss; When she was finally fed up with her appearance and weight, she started waking up at 3:30 every morning and began walking 15 miles every day. She ate right and utilized basic principles of self-control. In the most basic terms: she didn’t fucking gorge herself at every meal and got a healthy dose of exercise. This is all it takes people. No one is born overweight. No one forces double cheeseburgers and gallons of beer down an unsuspecting skinny kid's throat. The ability to lose weight and maintain a healthy body is not a highly specific task; anyone can fucking do it. Fat people will never grace the covers of fashion magazines as the new “hot.” If you are overweight and are genuinely upset with how you fit into this “thin” world and being perceived as a “fat person,” then, run yourself around the block a couple times. Or starve yourself. It’s not impossible.
I am truly sorry to say this, but, I don’t think I have ever found a very obviously overweight girl to be drop-dead-gorgeous, just like how I would never expect any girl to find me attractive when I topped the deuce-twenty mark. I had an “ex” who constantly ridiculed me for my constant worry of gaining weight. She would tell me that it didn’t matter if I was a little fat, because I was (am?) a great guy and had a beautiful personality. This is obviously a very nice thing to hear, but, it fell on deaf ears then, and it falls on deaf ears now. No girl is ever going to see me with my stomach hanging over my belt and consider the idea of being with me. Unless, of course, they are into fat guys.
And if that is the case, then I guess there really is someone out there for everyone.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Nope
Last night, i sent this message to a friend in response to a bulletin she posted on myspace:
i wonder how my mom would feel if she knew this was how i felt 4 days out of the week.
could be worse.
could be sitting around watching episodes of The Office and writing an essay about how Dan Marino never winning the Superbowl symbolically represents your love life.
Or you could just be me in general. that in totality seems worse than reading Joyce.
i wonder how my mom would feel if she knew this was how i felt 4 days out of the week.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
My Unanswered Whys
I am sick of writing about this. I'm sick of thinking about it. Sick of feeling how I feel. But since I am sick of writing about it, I am just going to let Small Brown Bike say it, since Mike Reed said it best the first time around.
What went wrong? Did you even try?
You made me think that this would work all along.
I should of known better. You made me try.
You made me feel like I was everything.
One of us has to get hurt (Don't fall for this boy).
And the other asks, "was it worth it this time?"
She said, "pick one," so I took both (I had the look in my eyes),
the Good and the Ugly.
I couldn't wait to see you.
I couldn't wait to hear you.
You can keep those three words wrapped up for yourself.
What went wrong? What did you see?
You looked right through me...you looked right through me
Everything meant everything to you (I have to write you).
Everyone mean everything to you (I hope you get the pieces of me).
I have to write you. I hope you get the pieces of me.
Pen and Paper is all I have.
Begging you lease, I'm sending you my hands and knees.
Why must I try?
Why do I try?
A (supposedly) great city that I will (hopefully) never return to.
What went wrong? Did you even try?
You made me think that this would work all along.
I should of known better. You made me try.
You made me feel like I was everything.
One of us has to get hurt (Don't fall for this boy).
And the other asks, "was it worth it this time?"
She said, "pick one," so I took both (I had the look in my eyes),
the Good and the Ugly.
I couldn't wait to see you.
I couldn't wait to hear you.
You can keep those three words wrapped up for yourself.
What went wrong? What did you see?
You looked right through me...you looked right through me
Everything meant everything to you (I have to write you).
Everyone mean everything to you (I hope you get the pieces of me).
I have to write you. I hope you get the pieces of me.
Pen and Paper is all I have.
Begging you lease, I'm sending you my hands and knees.
Why must I try?
Why do I try?
A (supposedly) great city that I will (hopefully) never return to.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Nothing Special
“The shore is death”
- My favorite quote from a book I never actually read.
Whenever I have finally had enough, I am going to get into my car and drive around the suburbs going 5-7 miles per hour over the speed limit. And the first time someone between the ages of 20 and 45 pulls out in front of me, instead of getting on my brakes, I am just going to go limp, keep my pace, and blow straight the fuck into them.
Fuck up their day, and hopefully give myself some new perspective.
- My favorite quote from a book I never actually read.
Whenever I have finally had enough, I am going to get into my car and drive around the suburbs going 5-7 miles per hour over the speed limit. And the first time someone between the ages of 20 and 45 pulls out in front of me, instead of getting on my brakes, I am just going to go limp, keep my pace, and blow straight the fuck into them.
Fuck up their day, and hopefully give myself some new perspective.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
A hypothetical that isn’t really about Dan Marino or Brad Johnson.
You are being forced to switch lives with an NFL quarterback. There is no way to escape it, and the only option you have is which quarterback whose life you will inherit: Dan Marino or Brad Johnson.
This is not as easy of a decision as it may seem.
Dan Marino is, arguably, the best quarterback in the history of the NFL All subjectivity aside, the record books seem to indisputably show that, without a doubt, Dan Marino’s tenure in the NFL as a Miami Dolphin was without a doubt the most impressive career of any quarterback, living or otherwise. He holds over 15 Quarterback records and retired with a very impressive Career Quarterback Rating. However, he retired in 1999 having never won a Superbowl.
Brad Johnson, on the other hand held the Vince Lombardi trophy above his head on January 26, 2003 after his victory in Superbowl XXXVII as a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. Now, no one really remember his name or who he currently plays for[1] or any of his career highlights. I would argue that if you asked Dan Wilbon to name the only Buc quarterback to lead his team to a Superbowl victory, the PTI host would baulk at the question. All that aside though, Johnson does have a Superbowl victory under his belt.
Every fair-weather football fan knows who Dan Marino is, yet very few are concerned with the life and career of Superbowl XXXVIII winning quarterback Brad Johnson. One is a legend whom will go down in history as the best quarterback to never win the whole thing, the other is just a merely mediocore player that achieved the most prized achievement in all football.
So who would you switch places with? [2]
=============================================
1) After some research (wikipedia), I came to find out that,
at the age of 38, he is the backup to Tony Romo as a part of the Dallas
Cowboys.
2) As the title insinuate, this is obviously not really a question about
football…
This is not as easy of a decision as it may seem.
Dan Marino is, arguably, the best quarterback in the history of the NFL All subjectivity aside, the record books seem to indisputably show that, without a doubt, Dan Marino’s tenure in the NFL as a Miami Dolphin was without a doubt the most impressive career of any quarterback, living or otherwise. He holds over 15 Quarterback records and retired with a very impressive Career Quarterback Rating. However, he retired in 1999 having never won a Superbowl.
Brad Johnson, on the other hand held the Vince Lombardi trophy above his head on January 26, 2003 after his victory in Superbowl XXXVII as a Tampa Bay Buccaneer. Now, no one really remember his name or who he currently plays for[1] or any of his career highlights. I would argue that if you asked Dan Wilbon to name the only Buc quarterback to lead his team to a Superbowl victory, the PTI host would baulk at the question. All that aside though, Johnson does have a Superbowl victory under his belt.
Every fair-weather football fan knows who Dan Marino is, yet very few are concerned with the life and career of Superbowl XXXVIII winning quarterback Brad Johnson. One is a legend whom will go down in history as the best quarterback to never win the whole thing, the other is just a merely mediocore player that achieved the most prized achievement in all football.
So who would you switch places with? [2]
=============================================
1) After some research (wikipedia), I came to find out that,
at the age of 38, he is the backup to Tony Romo as a part of the Dallas
Cowboys.
2) As the title insinuate, this is obviously not really a question about
football…
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Becoming a Ghost
I listen to my phone ring over and over and over and over again. I turned off my answering machine weeks ago, so the phone just rings. and rings. and rings. and rings. I listen to it ring simply because I know that on the other end there is nothing that I am remotely interested in hearing. I don’t check my e-mail anymore because I know there is nothing interesting in there. I only log into myspace to book our December tour. I avoid facebook at all costs. I delete all of my old text messages daily; there is nothing worth remembering in them.
If I wanted to talk to someone, I would call them. If I wanted to get out of my house, I’d get in my car and drive. But today, I would rather be a ghost. I would rather forget that the world knows that I exist. I would rather forget that I am capable of loving, and therefore capable of being left, and ultimately capable of being hurt.
Today I would rather forget that she use to call me every night and we’d talk each other to sleep.
If I wanted to talk to someone, I would call them. If I wanted to get out of my house, I’d get in my car and drive. But today, I would rather be a ghost. I would rather forget that the world knows that I exist. I would rather forget that I am capable of loving, and therefore capable of being left, and ultimately capable of being hurt.
Today I would rather forget that she use to call me every night and we’d talk each other to sleep.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Something That Seems to be About Something, but is Sort of Really About Something Else.
I lost my sunglasses a week ago today.
These sunglasses had no real importance to me; I found them on top of a TV under a couple of flyers and zines at a house in Buffalo, NY when I was on tour this past summer. I assumed no one was missing them, so, I put them on like I had a reason to be wearing sunglasses at 7:45 in the morning in Buffalo, NY, got in our van and headed towards New York City. To put it rather bluntly: I stole them. So it seems only fitting that I would end up forgetting them on a table in a classroom in the English building at Kennesaw State and that they were gone the next time I came to said class. I suppose those aviators belong to the world now, and that their destiny is to be carelessly passed along from person to person, never really finding a true home.
I have replaced them with a new pair given to me by a friend, but I am still constantly wishing for those glasses that I carelessly left behind.
These sunglasses had no real importance to me; I found them on top of a TV under a couple of flyers and zines at a house in Buffalo, NY when I was on tour this past summer. I assumed no one was missing them, so, I put them on like I had a reason to be wearing sunglasses at 7:45 in the morning in Buffalo, NY, got in our van and headed towards New York City. To put it rather bluntly: I stole them. So it seems only fitting that I would end up forgetting them on a table in a classroom in the English building at Kennesaw State and that they were gone the next time I came to said class. I suppose those aviators belong to the world now, and that their destiny is to be carelessly passed along from person to person, never really finding a true home.
I have replaced them with a new pair given to me by a friend, but I am still constantly wishing for those glasses that I carelessly left behind.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)